For a few weeks now I’ve been sharing powerful tips for raise conversations. First, we looked at releasing the Soul Suckers from the responsibility of being in charge. Next, we looked at rooting in a sense of purpose by identifying the values we honor simply by asking for the raise. Now I’ll share the final tips (from me at this time) for an empowering raise conversation.
Tip 3 – Open Your Heart
Because asking for a raise can be a vulnerable act, we’re often tempted to protect ourselves as we do it. We might look at the floor or cave our chests in, hiding our hearts. On the other hand, we might tense our chests, creating a kind of muscular shield around our hearts. By opening our hearts, adopting Relationship Engagement B (Balance/Be With) we embrace the physicality of assertiveness. Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. When we open our hearts and assert ourselves, we’re able to be warm, engaged and connected while expressing our wants and needs.
Tip 4 – Breathe Life into the Experience
We were born as free flowing organisms of expression. And then, without knowing it at the time, the rest of the world taught us to breathe the breath of suppression. We’ve been taught to speak while expecting the words to do all of the work of communication. We suppress our vulnerability, emotions, passion and life force by limiting our breathing. In order to breathe life into the experience as you have the raise conversation, breathe deep as you enter the room. Then, nourish your own body with breath throughout the conversation. Finally, breathe life into the experience by creating and embracing the silences.
In other words, after you ask for the raise – STOP TALKING and breathe.
Instead of letting your Soul Suckers take control of you after the ask and attempt to outrun a possible “no” by making noise, give your boss the space to process your ask and intend/hope for a “yes.”
Please share your experience with asking for a raise by commenting.