Beyond Amy Cuddy and “Fake it ’til you make it.”

Every few months I catch another post about the Amy Cuddy Ted Talk.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc

For me, Amy Cuddy is so close, and yet because of our tendency as a society to think in binaries, she falls short of the essence of where she’s attempting to take people with her talk and her research. She (and just about everyone else today) separates the world into two categories: Aggressor and prey, powerful and powerless, hero and victim, confident and meek. In reality, body language, confidence and impact are much more nuanced than that.

When faced with the opportunity to connect, we as humans have three options of posture and energy that we can choose to go into.  The first option, Relationship Engagement A (Avoid) is the place of the victim and meekness. The second option, Relationship Engagement C (Control),  is the place of aggression and martyrdom. The third option (the one that the majority of society overlooks), Relationship Engagement B (Balance) is the place of presence and connection. It is the circle of equality. Considering the majority of society overlooks the fact that a third option even exists, I have to think we are in danger of losing our capacity for this option.

I love Amy Cuddy and her talk for her intention to help people find the confidence within themselves.  And, I want something even more for people. I want people to let go of believing that there are only two options: victim and aggressor. I want people to embrace true presence and connection. I want people to let go of the hold that “fake it ‘til you make it” has on us. I want people to know that there’s even more …

If you step into Relationship Engagement B, truly connect, and let go of feeling that you have to “fake it ‘til you make it,” what’s possible for you from there?

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