Blank Page

Ahhhh….. Sitting down at the computer at 4pm on a Friday.BLANK-PAGE-NOTEBOOK-normal.jpg

I’ve been avoiding this blank page all day. I’ve done laundry. I’ve done yoga. I’ve showered. I’ve paid bills. I’ve met with contractors. I’ve shopped online. I’ve done everything I could to avoid sitting down here.

What is it about a blank white page that is so scary?

It’s not a monster. Maybe a monster would be better. Then I could access my inner Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I can hear the buzz of the laundry. I can hear the zipper on my jeans within the laundry. I can hear the hum of the electricity and the ticking of the clocks.

All of these sounds are taunting me – whispering “you are not a writer.” “Everything else you’ve written in the past is just a fluke.” “You blew your wad. You used up any inspiration that you had.”

More silence…

I want to type gobbledygook just to hear the sounds of the keyboard clacking.

Oh. There goes a dog barking. Shit, even that dog has more to say than I do.

Mmmm… I could really go for a piece of chocolate right about now. Yum.

I’m blocked. I listen within …

I feel my heart beating. I feel warmth in my chest. I feel my body.

It is scary to write from here. What if I have nothing to say?

What if I DO have something to say?

From here it will matter. From here it might hurt. From here its important and raw and vulnerable. From here it is out on the edge. No control. No safety net. No expertise to shield my heart.

There’s that ticking clock again …

 

With passion & love,
Lauri

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