Last week I had a Dark Day of the Soul (like a Dark Night of the Soul – and mine happened during the daytime.)
I’d gotten another in a massively growing collection of “no’s” this year. This one challenged me so deeply that it rocked me to my core. It wasn’t even the biggest “no” of the year – far from it. But for some reason it was the straw that broke the camel’s back – shattering it into a million and one pieces. My ego and my soul suckers freak out all the time, just like everyone else’s.
In the darkness of this place, it felt like even my Soul was doubting.
So what did I do? Crying yoga, of course!
I dropped to the floor of my living room and did a weeping downward dog. Then I meditated. I felt the intense energy. I breathed through the uncomfortable emotions. Then, I noticed an all too familiar, desperate urge to go out and get some yes’s NOW.
I didn’t follow that urge. I wasn’t sure why, at first. I sat. In the mystery. In the unknown. I watched the thoughts about how I wasn’t enough and how I couldn’t handle it and how it was time to give up. I watched them, without acting on them (other than some internet “research” on those “giving up” type roads.)
I read things that inspire me. (and watched some TV)
I sent out an energetic plea – “Help me” – to the Universe. And I stayed. And waited. In stillness.
Have you ever heard the saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
I kept hearing a similar sounding sentence in my wisdom-mind’s ear: “If you can’t move beyond desperation to take action from a creative, empowered place, don’t take any action at all.”
I stayed. And waited. In stillness.
Eventually … a creative urge. I followed it. Then more soul sucking crap. So I paused, and waited again.
That night I had a dream. In it appeared an obnoxious teenager and me – wise, everyday, adult me. Eventually, after enduring the teenager’s annoying behavior, I turned to the teenager and said “you’re the most entitled, bratty teenager I’ve ever met.”
I just realized … I think she was teenage me. My inner teenager. Whining and pining, always asking, “Why don’t we have all the results NOOOOOOOWWWWW.”
She’s not in the driver’s seat.
Today, more creative urges. And more empowered actions.
Hopefully, like the last time I lived through a Dark Night of the Soul, something old inside me that no longer serves me or the world is dying, making way for the next evolution of … me.
I am patient. I am the driven, wild woman, nothing can stop me, grown up, grey haired, comfortable in my own skin, trust the process and the results will follow version of her.
With passion & love,
PS – Could you use some help moving through your own Dark Night of the Soul? Are you ready to transform and come home to your authentic Self at the same time? Schedule a Breathe Deep & Breakthrough Session with me now.