Finding My Rhythm Again (and again and again)

Before meeting my partner and Soulmate, I woke up at 6am every day. I had a dedicated morning practice including yoga and meditation and I exercised every morning. I got more done before noon than most people do all day. I was energized, focused and clear – that’s how I found him in the first place! I only got sick about once every two years.

Since meeting him and moving to the Fog, I’ve had 4 colds and a sinus infection.

“What? That’s not at all like you,” my friends said.
“You’re still exercising every day right?”

“Yes … Yes I am.”

Most days I’m still managing to do a daily practice … most days. And yet, I have often felt tired, unmotivated … lost.

I love snuggling with him in the morning. And yet, my body has been telling me to find new rhythms for a while. I ignored my body and continued to get up s-l-o-w-l-y on his schedule.

My body felt sluggish. I gained weight. I gained weight even when I re-adopted my healthy eating habits (while it seemed as if everyone around me ate pizza after pizza, fried foods and empty calorie alcohol – and lost weight in the process!)

I felt that I deserved to lose weight because I was being such a “good girl” in abstaining.

I got angry at the pizza. I got angry at the scale!

In an act of desperation, I tried a protein-rich body-builder’s diet that had worked miracles for a friend. It didn’t work for me. I thought “where’s my miracle!” I got angry at the diet. I got angry at body-builders. I got angry at miracles!

From pizza, to protein, to what time to get up in the morning, doing it somebody else’s way wasn’t going to work for me. It never has and it never will.

But I also knew in my heart that I loved my new place and my new partner, and I had to find some way to make my rhythm work in my new life. I had to find a new dance that blended the old and the new.

Finally, one day, I met my body half way. I got up 30 minutes earlier and did a short morning practice and then crawled back into bed to snuggle as he woke up. Then the next day, 5 minutes earlier still. Then 10 more than the day before, until finally, I’d landed on getting up 45 minutes earlier than him to make room for … me.

A new rhythm is emerging. Sometimes the snuggling part doesn’t feel as cozy as it used to. Primarily because I’m AWAKE and ready to go, so my body feels like I’ve stopped it. At other times I’m more than grateful for a few more snuggly, restful moments of intimate connection in between my practice and launching into the day.
(Inner Sunset fog blankets can make it feel right to crawl back under the soft cotton blankets)

Maybe my body is getting used to the pause … the silence … in between the action. Because, most importantly …

I’ve been starting to feel energized. Feel alive. Feel like me.

And then, life changes. Chaos. I get cast in a play or start teaching a new class and its time to find another new rhythm. Here we go again. Create, adjust, create, adjust, create, adjust … Finding my path.

With passion & love,
Lauri

PS – How are you finding your unique rhythm? Comment below. I’d love to hear from you 🙂

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