Fogust Blues

Fog. It’s Fogust in the Inner Sunset. I guess its Fogust everywhere in SF, but I don’t really care about everywhere. I care about the fact that I’m buried in fog in the Inner Sunset. I heard on the news that the bay area is having a heat wave. Really? Everywhere except for the Inner Sunset there’s a heat wave. Here it looks like it’s about to snow outside. It’s looked like it’s about to snow outside pretty consistently for two months (with a mere few days of partial sunshine mid to late-afternoon.) We are constantly wrapped up in a blanket of fog.

We had a solar eclipse a while back. Historic. You couldn’t see it through the fog…

The moon passing in front of the sun. That’s a metaphor for my life. My moon energy is strong enough to overshadow the sun. To block it out completely. The moon is a shit-ton smaller than the sun, but it can block it out. The moon is powerful.

It can also reflect the sun.

I’m rambling.

Fog. Fogust. Foggy Fog. Damn fog-snow blanket. My body is very confused. Others around me (like my boyfriend) are used to this. Their bodies know that this is what summer in SF is like. My body, does not believe it. It’s weird to know in my head it’s summer, usually a time of uber-productivity and sun energy for me, and yet feel my body half-hibernating. I’m experiencing what I can only interpret as seasonal affective disorder (which I’ve never had in the winter let alone summer.) I wake up sluggish. I feel like curling up under the blankey and drinking hot cocoa all day long.

What sucks most about this, is that I feel like I’m on the brink and this inner and outer fog blanket is holding me back – just as I was about to burst through.

I’m grateful for so many things in my life right now. My love. My work. My creativity. My heart – Leading from the heart and running my business from the heart.

It’s hard to be inspired and yet unable to move at my usual intuitive-doer speed-of-light pace to get it done.

I’m on the verge of breaking through to a new level. Of trusting me, my path – of allowing my spiritual work to feed my human experience and my human experience to nourish my spiritual work. Finally! And then – THE FOG … My soul suckers got quiet for a while there. I thought maybe they’d realized they were no match for my inner knowing. And then, they became the fog! Just when I was ready to get into serious action, to manifest like I never have before … THE FOG.

(I wish you could hear the way that phrase, “The FOG”, sounds in my head. It’s like a fog horn. It reverberates forever … The FOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG. Down and dreary.)

The outer fog is creating an inner fog. My brain is blah. My body is blah. My energy is … blah.

I have so many exciting opportunities at my finger tips and then … fog. Blah.

Some days I just want to lay on the couch and re-watch Downton Abbey from beginning to end. (I don’t know why Downton Abbey is my “go-to” show for these things, but it is. When it feels like winter and all you want to do is drink cocoa. I suppose I could watch Buffy too, but I digress…)

What I’m noticing is that, while frustrating, the fog is forcing me to access patience (again). To stay in the moon space. To access my feminine energy. To restore, replenish, nourish, rejuvenate … and then move forward and get some things done.

I wouldn’t say that I’m comfortable with it. However, I am somehow managing to move in a slow and steady way (in between snuggle sessions, naps on the couch and watching home shows.)

With passion & love,
Lauri

PS – This was written in late August. I was planning to keep it to myself when, on Labor Day weekend, we finally had a heat-wave and it seemed like we were going to get our Inner Sunset summer. When THE FOG returned, I figured it was appropriate after all …

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