Asking for a raise is an action that affects us on so many levels. It might trigger us or call us forth or both. This topic is so full I spent weeks with writer’s block about this post. Then, when I finally “went there,” I realized that it’s such a full topic that it deserves more than one post.
Asking for a raise can be vulnerable. It can also be courageous and empowering. When we ask for a raise, we’re asking someone else to take an action that shows that they value us. One of the things that the raise conversation can shine a light on is how much (or how little) we value ourselves.
Tip 1 – Make sure it’s you (and not your Soul Suckers) asking for the raise…
When it comes to asking for a raise, our Soul Suckers may spend their time telling us not to ask. They encourage us to sit back and hope that our boss spontaneously gives us more money. They might even tell us that if we deserved it, our boss would’ve already given it to us. If we manage to get past them and commit to asking for the raise, our Soul Suckers might drive us to ask from a place of unworthiness.
I remember such a raise conversation very clearly. I looked down at the floor as I asked. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, without giving any space for it to land on him, I immediately began using logic to prove to him that I deserved the raise.
The only person questioning whether or not I deserved the raise was me.
I got lucky. This was one of my favorite bosses. As I yipped facts at him like a tiny little puppy dog, he opened a file, looked at how long it had been since I’d had a salary increase and then said “I wish you’d asked me sooner!”
You see, while my Soul Suckers were busy telling me that if I’d deserved it, he’d have already given it to me, my boss was incredibly busy with his own job and his own life. It was my job to value myself and then put myself out there.
Where in your life are your Soul Suckers devaluing your worth? (It might be in asking for a raise from a boss OR in charging what you’re worth with your clients or in valuing yourself enough to value your time.)
Stay tuned for more tips for the raise conversation coming soon.
All my best,