I’m on my last day of vacation. We went on a cruise to Costa Maya, Mexico, and Cuba. We enjoyed South Beach Miami. We were in our hotel room watching the last seconds of the Super Bowl – what a game! I mean, I don’t even really care about those teams (other than wanting someone new to win over Tom Brady), but what a game!
I like rooting for the underdogs. I’m deeply invested. For some strange reason, just as they’re winning the game, at the height of my excitement for them, I check email on my phone only to discover another huge “no”. The excitement bubble gets blasted into a million pieces.
I tantrum. I pack to go home. On the airplane on my way home, just as I’m finally starting to recover, the Universe decides, in its infinite wisdom, to give me sporadic internet on the flight (even though I haven’t signed up for it) and WHAM – another email with yet another rejection.
I start spiraling downhill again.
I’m pretty sure this is what people are talking about when they say “Don’t take things personally.” I try to access my inner Buddha, but she’s nowhere to be found. My boyfriend asks “Don’t you have years of rejection from acting that you can draw upon?”
Yes, yes I do.
I used to take a long time to recover when I didn’t get cast. I used to feel wronged or that the Universe was being unfair. Every single time I’d go to see the show months later and feel immense gratitude when I realized – “I dodged a bullet here. This isn’t any good. I’m glad I’m not in it.”
What’s stopping me from doing that now? Money. These were two opportunities that seemed ideal AND involved an inflow of cash. Cash and my inner Buddha don’t seem to speak the same language … yet.
I started think-writing this while walking around the airport. Now I can’t remember what epiphany was lurking in the back of my mind that I wanted to sit down and capture so badly.
Only that I’m human. I guess I am taking it personally. I guess I am wanting things to go my way. I guess I am wanting to see immediate results. My inner teenager is pissed off and my inner child is scared and sad. They don’t understand.
The inner adult me is asking the inner Buddha me for help. She’s getting back up … again.
Even as I write this my inner child and my inner teenager are not anywhere near on board yet. And that’s okay I guess.
My intention for the week as I write this is resilience. Strangely enough the second “no” came in right after I set that as my intention and shared it on Facebook – interesting timing. So, I’m getting back up and putting one foot in front of the other as I feel out how to best do my work and honor that intention.
I just realized, what had me rooting for Nick Foles and the Eagles in the first place – both Foles and the Eagles are resilient underdogs. Well Universe, I’m a resilient underdog too. Let’s go …
With passion & love,