Just as I’m feeling shattered, at times unable to move forward on the very things I (used to) care deeply about, the Jivamukti Yoga theme for the month arrives in my inbox.
“It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. “
Huh. Timing. Thank goodness.
Thank you Jivamukti Yoga, Sharon Gannon and David Life (whom I’ve never personally met) Giselle Mari, Toni Cupal and Jeremy Moran – for reminding me of my purpose in this world.
It’s funny how things work sometimes.
It’s like this month’s Jivamukti Yoga theme was created just for me – to help me put one foot in front of the other and keep going. I find myself in class wondering how I would’ve responded when things were normal. The old normal. I’m betting there’s a new normal coming … I’m just not there yet. In my old normal, I used to grip tightly with every fiber of my being – like hands holding oh so tightly onto handlebars, afraid to fall, or my jaw clenching onto air like a terrier with an imaginary bone. I was called “unstoppable” on more than one occasion.
I no longer feel unstoppable – I feel stopped. Truth is, the old me is stopped.
I don’t quite know what to do with the fact that this month’s theme seems written for me. I get a little giddy every time they speak about the theme during classes. (And giddy is somewhat hard to come by these days). I feel a little bit like the Universe is trying to call me forth …
And then, I wait for the old me to kick in (which might’ve meant trying to get everyone in the room to come running to me to sign up for a workshop) … only, she doesn’t kick in. Some other part of me laughs, thinking, “Well that would just be ridiculous.”
I won’t lie. This is uncomfortable and weird. I have absolutely no extra energy. I couldn’t go into Relationship Engagement C (Control) even if I wanted to. That part is kind of nice. If there’s a gift here, that may be it. I hope so…
Still, I can’t help feeling that the Universe is whispering to me through them, trying to help me remember that, while my mother is finished here, I’m still needed. I just can’t quite figure out exactly what to do about this … other than to say, “Universe, I hear you. I’m listening, and I’m finding my way forward….”
Sometimes I feel like I’m missing the boat on a huge opportunity. It’s as if there is something that I’m supposed to do this month, and I just can’t see straight enough or think clearly enough to do it. The best I can offer in this moment is include a link to the Jivamukti Focus of the Month essay, and let you explore and digest it for yourselves. ☺ Enjoy!
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