Years ago, while playing one of my favorite roles ever, one of my passionate monologues culminated in the line “Its my body, my body, my body, MINE!”
Yes, it is my body … And I’ve recently had to face the fact that I’ve been treating it like shit.”
Okay, maybe not “like shit” compared to how many people treat their bodies. But my body has been crying out to me to pay attention to it and I’ve been ignoring it’s cries while expecting it to still be there for me.
That doesn’t make for a healthy, vibrant, successful relationship for people, and it certainly isn’t creating vibrance in my relationship with my body either.
My body’s been sick – 4 colds and a sinus infection between March and June. My body doesn’t do me that way when I’m treating her right. When I love her and take care of her.
While ignoring the illness signs, I keep stepping on the scale and making excuses …
“Oh, it’s just PMS.”
“Oh, my jeans are fresh out of the dryer.”
“Oh, its because I’m constipated (another body cry ignored).
Finally, when I stepped on the scale and discovered I’d crossed into the next 10 digit range up (one I hadn’t seen in 8 years) … I lost it.
I melted down. I cried. I got angry with my body – “Why are you betraying me?”
Whenever we’re looking at someone or something else and blaming, that spells disaster. The answer is always, always inside. And often, we project and accuse others of the very thing we’re actually doing.
My body hasn’t betrayed me, she’s been trying to get my attention because I’ve betrayed her.
Now that she has my attention, I’m finally looking at her with honest eyes. I feel her pain without any lies, excuses or justifications in the way.
Looking at her sometimes feels like staring down a dark hole – an ugly, shame-filled abyss. When I do, here’s what I see…
My body feels bad. My body feels bloated, sluggish, disrespected, unseen, and unloved.
I’ve been telling my body, “I do love you, when you’re thinner.”
Nope, that doesn’t cut it. I have to show my body I loved her – unconditionally.
Part of me wants to say “well shit, if I knew how to do that, I would’ve done it by now” – yet I know that’s not entirely true.
So, I’m starting by listening to her. In fact, I’m listening to and beyond my body. I’m listening for and to my intuition, following the messages and trying on possibilities for size with curiosity. I’m also stepping into gratitude and as much self-love as I can muster.
Let’s see how this goes …
With passion & love,
PS – Can you relate? Share your experience with your body in the comments section…