Today, I’m in a good old-fashioned shame spiral. I’m taking everything the wrong way and disaster-tripping about the future.
I said that sentence once 8 years ago to another coach… (I wonder if I backslid immediately that time around and just didn’t notice it.)
I just texted a friend a partial list of the things I’m grateful for today … and she introduced me to the Unsatisfieds. That’s her name for the Soul Suckers (aka Gremlins) that just have to focus on what isn’t working, instead of what IS working.
I’ve been working my ass off trying to recover from this spiral. I’ve meditated. – Thank you Deepak and Oprah! – I’ve sat with the sensations and emotions. I’ve reminded myself “I have everything I need in this moment.” I’ve witnessed the disaster-tripping thoughts. I’ve reminded myself that I have an acting gig – I get to channel all this raw emotional stuff into the character’s journey tonight.
And still … the Unsatisfieds want me to be … unsatisfied.
They want me to translate all of this raw sensation and emotion and energy into something bad. Deciding that it means things are horrible and will never get any better.
It’s weird. I can clearly see that, factually, there is AT LEAST as much evidence for things “looking up” as there is any kind of disaster. In fact, I’d say there’s at least as much evidence for things being great and then even more evidence for the looking “things are looking up” perspective.
If I look at things from my whole self, I can say “I love my life now and I love where its headed.”
I hear Jean Mazzei’s voice saying “If you don’t like your thoughts, change them.”
So, here we go Unsatisfieds … every time you say “disaster”, I say “abundance”.
I’m armed with a ton of mantras and I’m just going to keep saying them until you get tired and give up. I’m a stubborn Taurus and I will beat you at this game. Ask anyone who knows me.
Here are some of them …
I love my life now and I love where its headed.
I have everything I need in this moment.
So hum. I am.
I am enough and I am not alone.
I am enough and there’s more
I am a courageous, badass, money-making magician.
Money is prana in the form of matter.
Money flows to me in abundance.
Money is the prana that allows me to fulfill my purpose.
Yes! thank you Universe.
Yes please I’ll have another (client, role in a play, romantic date night, breath-taking moment … )
I am grateful for a shit-ton of things right now in this moment.
I love my clients.
I love my partner.
I love my friends.
I love mySelf.
I am the Wild Woman who evokes the full creative expression of humanity within – and, right now, I’m awakening the creative, fire-breathing dragon inside of me!
I am courageous. I am grateful. I am satisfied.
Here we are, here we go…
With passion & love,