My heart felt like it was ripped out of my chest as the budding young yoga teacher ran from the room.

(I swear I even heard the sound of velcro tearing in my mind’s ear.)

10 years ago I was guest teaching a soulful speaking module at a yoga teacher training, when a participant doubled over in tears at the front of the room.

I bent over next to her and said, “I will honor what you want truly want in this moment.”

I then asked, “Considering what’s happening for you now, what does your highest self want to do in this moment?”

“To sit back down,” she answered.

My heart ached for her. I so deeply wanted her to know that she could do it. That she was enough. 

And yet, in my Soul, I knew the right choice was to honor her decision. 

Gutted, I said, “Okay,”

Instead of sitting back down, she ran from the room.

I stood in front of her fellow yoga teacher trainees in the wake of that moment with tears in my eyes. At first, all I could do was take a breath in silence.

Part of me wanted to run.

Most of the older, wiser yogis took that breath with me. I could feel them sending me love and empathy.

All kinds of voices inside of me were shouting.

“You’re a failure.”
“You could’ve done that better.”
“You should’ve found a way to get her to finish.”

I didn’t let those parts drive.

Instead, I invited my highest self to lead. Eventually I managed to say,

“Sometimes the most empowering thing we can do is to say no, and be heard ….

Next person.” 

My soul suckers told me I was spewing hogwash.

My Soul, on the other hand, felt the truth of those words,

A year later, we met again.

She was speaking in public with an infectious, embodied confidence. She was alive from head-to-toe and hugging the room with her energy.

And guess what? She said that moment where she said “No” to the exercise was the catalyst that sparked her transformation. 

Sometimes the most empowering thing we can do is to say “No.” 

It’s particularly beautiful when that “No” is honored. 

With Simone Biles all over the news for having stepped back from competing in recent Olympic events, I’ve been thinking a lot about this workshop participant.

Simone Biles has demonstrated a heroic ability to defy the laws of physics. She has done things with her body that no one else has ever done. She’s won gold medal after gold medal. And … 

Saying “no” may just be the most courageous thing she has ever done. 

Simone Biles, you are a unique and beautiful soul. We see you. We hear you. We respect you – and your decision. 

Thank you for embodying the full range of courage with so much grace.