From the moment we arrive in this world, the “shoulds” start stacking up.
Be polite. Work hard. Get the gold stars.
Follow the rules. Stay safe. Fit in.
Don’t be too loud. Don’t be too much. Don’t take up too much space.
Don’t be too emotional.
In the Western world, we’re raised in a system that shoulds all over us. Our families mean well. Our schools are outdated. Most of us are trained to measure worth by compliance — not by connection, curiosity, or creativity.
We learn early on that love and approval come from being “good.” And so we play the role.
WHEN GOOD BECOMES A CAGE
For a while, following the shoulds works. We get the grades. The praise. The promotions.
But at some point, the role starts to feel tight — like a pair of shoes we’ve outgrown. And then, one of two things happens:
We either keep performing, doing what’s expected even as it drains us, or we swing hard in the opposite direction — rebelling against every rule just to prove we’re free.
Neither path is true freedom.
REBELLION ISN’T THE DESTINATION
In my twenties, I thought rebellion was liberation. Saying “no” felt powerful. Breaking rules felt bold. But eventually I realized I was still being defined by the system I was resisting.
If the good girl is trapped by obedience, the rebel can become trapped by defiance.
True freedom is something deeper — it’s remembering who we are before the conditioning, before the performance, before the world told you what “good” meant.
That’s my Wild Woman (and yes, we all have our own version — Wild Man, Creative Soul, Sovereign Creator). She’s not rebelling for the sake of rebellion. She’s simply being — guided by intuition, alive with purpose, unshakably herself.
THE EVOLUTION
1️⃣ The Good Girl/Boy — follows the shoulds to stay safe and loved.
2️⃣ The Rule Breaker — resists to reclaim autonomy.
3️⃣ The Wild Soul — remembers, reclaims, and creates from authenticity.
This isn’t a linear path — it’s cyclical, lived, embodied. We move between them as life invites us to grow.
REFLECTION
Sit with these questions:
- Where are you still chasing approval instead of choosing alignment?
- What are you resisting simply because you were told not to?
- What would it look like to lead, create, or speak from the wild truth beyond both compliance and rebellion?
Pause. Listen. The voice underneath the shoulds has been waiting for you.
We don’t break the pattern by fighting it harder. We break it by remembering who we were before we learned to perform.
When you move beyond the shoulds, you come home to your unfiltered soul.
🎧 Listen to the full podcast episode: Unleash Your Wild Woman https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/soulful-speaking/id1761929336
Soulful Speaking with Lauri Smith
With passion,
Lauri
PS: If you’re ready to explore this journey in your own voice, join me for the next Soulful Speaking Immersion — a five-week experience to help you unlearn the shoulds, speak with presence, and let your true voice rise.
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