Most speakers don’t realize they’re doing it.

They’re talking.
They’re moving.
They’re looking at people.

But they’re never actually staying.

Let me explain.

When we speak in front of others — on stage, on Zoom, in a meeting — many of us unconsciously avoid real connection.

Instead of staying with people, we do one of three things.

1. We Never Fully Arrive

Some people were taught the old advice: “Imagine the audience in their underwear.”

That trick might calm nerves for a moment, but it also disconnects you from the very people you’re trying to reach.

You’re not actually with them.

You’re somewhere else in your imagination.

2. We “Tap and Run”

Another common pattern is what I call the tap and run.

You briefly make eye contact with someone…

…and then immediately look away.

You tap into connection for a split second, but before it can deepen, you move on.

3. We “Spray”

Then there’s the spray.

Your gaze sweeps across the audience in a constant back-and-forth motion.

Much of the time, speakers sweep their eyes just above the heads of the audience members. 

You’re technically looking in their general direction.

But you’re not truly connecting with anyone.

Why do we do this?

Connection is one of our deepest human longings.

It’s also something that scares us. 

Real connection is vulnerable.

When we truly meet someone’s eyes while speaking, there’s a moment of exposure.

We fear being misunderstood.
Judged.
Rejected.

So instead of staying … we hover near connection without fully stepping into it.

The Way Through

The way out is almost always through.

Through the sensations in your body.

Through the soul-sucking doubts and fears in your mind.

Instead of spraying your attention across the room or tapping and running, try this:

Anchor with one person at a time.

Make eye contact with a single person.

Stay long enough to:

1. Send an invitation for connection beneath your words.
2. Receive their response.

Then move on to another set of eyes.

Invite.
Stay.
Receive.

Then repeat.

Why This Changes Everything

Anchoring with one person at a time does two powerful things.

First, it grounds you as a speaker.

When we spray our attention across a room, we tend to feel scattered and slightly out of our bodies.

When we anchor with one person, something shifts.

Your nervous system settles.

Your breath deepens.

You become more present.

Second, it allows the people listening to feel connected and seen.

Even if you’re speaking to hundreds of people, the moment someone feels your presence land on them, something opens.

That’s when speaking becomes a conversation.

That’s when leadership begins.

Because leadership isn’t about broadcasting your message into the void.

It’s about meeting people where they are — and inviting them into something deeper.

Try This

Next time you speak — whether it’s on stage, on Zoom, or in a meeting — play with this:

Choose one person.
Make eye contact.
Stay long enough to send the invitation for connection… and receive it.

Then move on to another set of eyes.

Invite.
Stay.
Receive.

That’s where the magic lives.

Try this simple shift the next time you speak — and notice what changes.

I’d love to hear what you find. Share in the comments.

With love & passion,
Lauri